Come see our sink grown plant.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
