How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
