very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
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50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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