i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She bit a glass in half.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
