i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
