I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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