I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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