You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
