we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
