Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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