it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
