first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize