Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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