So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
