Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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