I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
