She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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