Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
