im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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