I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
