omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
