Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he thought i was a dude.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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