That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
