the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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