i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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