marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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