We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
