I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
