Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
