What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
