This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
