**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
