Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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