How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
