He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you never un-have a 4some
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
