I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
