well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
