Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
