Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
