my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
