Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
