he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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