John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
