**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Someone shattered a urinal.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
