it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
