My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
