he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
