my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
