Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
