Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
