i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
