sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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