and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
