my phone needs a breathalizer
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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