i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
