I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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