i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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