I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
