Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
