Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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