last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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