I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
