I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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