on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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