Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
