You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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