Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you would pick up someone in the library
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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