Pappa wants mamma naked
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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