Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
COCAINE IS GR8
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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