I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
